Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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