Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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