oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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