FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
