I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
