Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
