Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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