why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
