I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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