I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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