Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Don't make out with my wife yet
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
false alarm, still single
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
