I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
