saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Porn is love you can see.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
