Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
