what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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