It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
send nudes
from the living room?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
