Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
