In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
