all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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