i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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