I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
bring money and cleavage
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
