I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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