also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
where are my eyebrows?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
