Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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