I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
