Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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