Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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