Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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