A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
