I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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