god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
