It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
