I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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