i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
