hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
