Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
