I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
