I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
