I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
