we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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