it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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