you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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