he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
