matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
