I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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