ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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