I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
