Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Randomize