Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
