You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
