her vagine was all disorganized.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
