Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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