this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize