Rock
Scissors
Fuck
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
