I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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