I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
