Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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