I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
After tacos, we're chasing women.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
