the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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