And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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