She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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