Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
