she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
