you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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