Cold hands, warm shart.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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