It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
