Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she pinky promised me she was 18
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
