Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize