If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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